Crap.

The Toyota Avanza. Where do I begin. Maybe I shouldn't as its totally rubbish. Only people who do not like cars buy this supposedly mini MPV. It looks like it was styled by a 1 ton truck designer and it shows. It is not very nice to look at due to the design specs for interior space and for the lower end of the market. But the main point is, supposed motoring enthusiasts should not buy this Van. If you enjoy the thrill of driving, what in the world made you buy an ugly looking van in the first place?

The worst reason that you'd give is that "I bought it 'cause its a Toyota". I'd rather take the bus.

The most irritating fact about Avanza owners is that they must have bought the van without really test driving it or realizing that it is crap. Its a Toyota means that its something good."Good" isn't the correct word here. It is rubbish, but it is a form of transport. That is the only reason to buy anr Avanza.

Another strange fact about Avanza owners is that I always read in a Sunday motoring pullout of a local daily that posts SMS questions for the editor or the tech advisor for the paper to answer. Questions like the following are usually posted for people to laugh at the bad decision the Avanza buyers make.

1. My Avanza is uncomfortable to drive. It rides too hard. Is there any way to soften its ride?

Let me answer this question for them. You bought the wrong car you fool. Can't you tell that it is a van in the first place? It was designed with a budget in mind and for people with limited budgets. What do you expect? Multi-link suspensions in the rear? Air suspension? Self Leveling? The ride of a Lexus? For Godssake its a car designed for the Indonesian mass market. That should tell you how competent the ride is. Stop posting SMSs like these on that newspaper okay? It's as pointless as flapping your hands and trying to fly.
..
2. I want to improve the performance of the Avanza. What can I do to make it better? Its a mini MPV. Do not bother, you should be following the same speed limits are busses on PLUS highways. If you wanted to act least think like you're driving a Subaru Impreza then you should do like what some Proton Saga owners, add Subaru Wrx Sti scoops to their ride. Maybe you should tell your supposedly 'better status than a Proton' Toyota for a Proton. At least they now make a proper proportionate looking MPV for the same price.

3. I want to put a DVD player in my Avanza. Will it affect the power of my Avanza?

This was the stupidest question I've ever read about Avanzas anywhere. I suppose anyone adding a small DVD player stereo head unit would make any vehicle lose 200bhp. If that were so, no one would be selling or buying aftermarket sound systems for their automobiles. Where did people like these crawl out from? I really pity the people editing that daily sometimes.

In conclusion, I may sound like a person who does not respect other peoples choices. But making wrong choices sometimes allow people like me to seem mean. It's their idiocity that needs helping. Do not buy Avanzas. You may be as clever as the people who posted the examples above.

SAAB - Going extinct, does it really matter to any of us?

Hello fellow readers. I'm now getting paid to write articles for myautoblog.org. Click on the link below to read it.

http://www.mycarforum.com/blog/myautoblog/76/saab---going-extinct-does-it-really-matter-to-any-of-us/

Of Formula 1 and statements made by a certain Malaysian

The Formula 1 silly season or 'of-season' circus is going at full swing at the moment. Recently we read that Brawn GP was bought by Mercedes, Lotus and Malaysia are F1 team mates in a certain sort of way, Petronas has decided to sponsor the newly formed ex-Brawn now named Mercedes Petronas and Michael Schumacher coming out of retirement to race for them. I am looking forward to seeing Schumi race again.

But I think the news that made my grey matter spin a little is the fact that Alex Yoong is ashamed that Petronas isn't sponsoring Team  Lotus F1. In all honestly, what was he thinking when he made that statement on his Twitter account. We also know that with Schumi back in F1 and with Mercedes, I can easily state that all TV cameras will spend alot of screen time on the Mercedes Petronas cars and with that, Petronas has actually made an advertising coup. On a company level, they've actually made the right choice. We'd now see two big Malaysian names on two teams now, one, Mercedes Petronas and the other Lotus F1, with Malaysia and maybe Air Asia plastered all over the cars. Isn't that bigger mileage for the country?

Then again, people who like posting instantaneous messages on either Twitter or Facebook usually do not think of the repercussion when they post on these sites. Then again, the word Twitter is derived from the word TWIT:

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
A twit is an idiot.

The term may also refer to:

• The TWiT podcast network TWiT.tv, or a fan of it
• The weekly TWiT.tv podcast This WEEK in TECH.
• The Roald Dahl children's book called The Twits
• Acronym for Teenage Women In their Thirties
• A user of Twitter

Hence, if we look at the origin of the word, we now know what is in the mind and the person of Mr Alex Yoong when he 'twitted' about Petronas sponsoring Mercedes. Most probably nothing. The moral of the story is that do not be an overzealous updater. Think before typing. All it takes is some patience, and maybe in the case of Mr Yoong, a PR officer to go over all postings.

Now that Proton and Perodua have launched their MPVs......

It has been awhile since I discussed MPVs or people carriers in my articles. The reason that I don't discuss more about them is that I despise them. These automobiles are large van like objects that enable many human beings to be carried at one go. They have 7 seats and have a supposedly versatile floorplan. They can carry large objects from lifestyle stores like IKEA with their seats folded. They can do almost anything and are supposedly God's gift to families. The automobiles in question are those large MPVs like the Naza Ria, Toyota Estima Toyota Innova Toyota Alphard, Toyota Big Fat Bungalow and such new vehicles like the Proton Exora come into mind. Those smaller, more car like MPVs like the Honda Stream, Naza Citra, Nissan Grand Livina or even the Toyota Wish aren't as bad, as they look like slightly obese station wagons and are more car like to drive.


A history lesson

Now we have to also remember that MPVs were mainly derived from vans. Yes, vans. There's absolutely nothing glamorous to be associated with vans. If it were derived from a Ferrari Testarossa or a Lancia Stratos then it surely be something we all would aspire to own but these large automobiles descended from vans. Simple, dull soulless boxes that storekeepers, fish , pizza delis and small businesses holders own to carry or deliver various food, fruits, vegetables or fish. You see, even a luxo-barge like the Toyota Bungalow Alphard must have surely been derived or descended from one of the earlier Toyota vans. So how much leather and luxury in its trimmings an Alphard has, it still is a van, deep down inside. So if I 'accidentally' call your luxury MPV a van, it isn't really an accident.

Pic: The Toyota Alphard

The thought of driving one everyday makes me feel a bit whoozy. I wouldn't in mind being driven in one but driving one never thrills me one bit. I have driven a few Toyota Estimas over the years and honestly, it is about as thrilling as sitting in a government department waiting room with 20 people ahead of you and the magazine in your hand is at least 5 years old. The other irritating thing that I wish to restate about owning an MPV is that you are advertising to the people around you that are married and you have flotilla of kids . That advertizes to the world at large that you are indeed a married man or woman; hence unavailable to others and uncool to most and the fact that you have to drive an uncool house like vehicle means you're no super spy. Hey, it's no Aston Martin isn't it? A saloon car will not have the same image problems. This fact has been repeatedly stated by me in my earlier articles, over and over again. Unless you have more than three kids, a maid and a dog or a cat to go on weekend trips together, you don't need a MPV.

The other problem with MPVs is that they take too much space on the road. During traffic jams, those who are stuck behind such a big lunk of metal find that the space it sits on can fill one and a half cars. Two Kancils can fit in the space of a MPV. Furthermore if you see in the mornings during these traffic jams, no one seems to be in the second and third rows, much less the seat beside the driver. All that space is utterly redundant as only the driver takes it to work. The only time it gets filled up is once a month or once every festive occasion where the whole family has to go somewhere. Then when you fill up all the rows with people, you'll still find that you have no space to put your luggage. You have to buy one of those THULE roof boxes and stuff your luggage there. Then with a stupid box on its roof, it can't enter some of the shopping complexes carparks. Some like the Toyota Alphard is worse, it can't enter some carpark complexes at all as its too tall. It's pretty pointless. Those who bought small Proton Sagas a boot, and therefore would have space for luggage and have no height clearance issues. So the point of driving one is, pointless. Even a well to do friend of mine who recently said that the Alphard is a mighty comfy ride said that he'll have a driver for it, and not drive one himself. So if you are an individual who intends to purchase one and drive it all by himself, you're an idiot.

Now all of the facts stated above have been discussed in my earlier articles. Now the latest issue I have against owning a large redundant MPV is the fact that rear seat belt wearing regulations have come into play and this means that all passengers have to buckle up irregardless of whether they're at the front or at the rear. This means that another reason you bought your high class van has been taken out of the picture.

Now last time when you drove that Bungalow Alphard of yours you'd know that any normal 12 year old kid would be able to stand up straight and walk, I mean run through the middle of the van from the third row to the front. This is an outright outrageous thing to do but since you've bought an MPV and paid so much for it, your kids ought to be able to do just that. The rationale is that since you paid a ridiculous sum of money for a luxury van, so your kids deserve to run around in it. Which for all that's holy, the absolutely wrong thing to do. It's as simple as this. If your kid is running around the aisle of an MPV, he isn't strapped down. If the kid isn't strapped down, any emergency stop conducted by the driver of the said MPV, the kid running up and down will then become a flying kid. Like those supermen Mat Rempit riders flying off their bikes when it comes to a sudden stop, after hitting something. Now imagine those running kids flying through the front window and becoming tomato paste all over some road somewhere. This is the main problem with MPV users in Malaysia. They're mostly not seated in one of those rows of rear seats which they're supposed to and they're basically in danger every time the persons in charge fail to secure their passengers in their respective seats.

However in doing so, this somehow defeats the purpose of a Malaysian purchasing an MPV. So they will still allow their kids to run around in their MPV even if they know its totally wrong and dangerous. But if they truly love their kids, they should know better. Therefore, the actual moral of this story is that if you love your kids, do not bother with an MPV as an MPV has too much space and gives kids an excuse to run amok inside it. A normal sedan would mean a tight fit, like a can of sardines. No movement is a good thing. Not to mention if you were driving an MPV with kids running around, you'd have high blood pressure and then die of a heart attack. You may then crash and then kill others around you and the funeral will be for you and a few others. You have to buy a small family car, stuff your kids into that small rear seat, make them wear seat belts. If there are no kids running around, your stress levels would be lower, hence you get to live longer and won't die of hypertension. Therefore, don't buy MPVs, buy cars. If you already own one, sell it to some Pasar Malam trader for Gods sake! But the again, who actually bothers with using rear seatbelts anyway. Continue buying your luxury vans.



Note: Recently Proton launched the EXORA and now Perodua launched the ALZA. The Alza seems pretty decent as it looks car-like and is still small enough to be considered car-like. The Exora is 'decent' in that is comes only with a 1.6litre engine. At least we won't have people thinking that their van has enough power to hog the fast lane on our highways (unlike some Naza Ria drivers - that 2.5v6 makes van drivers think that they're in a super sports car, not.).

And on another note- it seems that according to a magazine, 30% of car buyers in Malaysia think of getting MPVs as their next vehicle purchase. Think about it, it means that deep down inside, 30% of our car buying public does not like fast cars, speed or James Bond. They just want a car to take them and their family to and from IKEA or back to their hometown. They intend to live out their lives, raise their kids, pension, marry off their kids, have grandchildren and then die. I suppose some people would be content with that sort of life.

The Final Word on Football............

Recently Manchester United lost to Liverpool. Some may say that this is a rare occurrence and that the fans of Liverpool have poured into the streets rejoicing at the victory. That its players played gallantly and that they thoroughly deserved that victory. It was a battle royal between the two and the best team won. Manchester United fought well but they lost. The referee was blind. The players were careless. Some were dead men playing. Liverpool was at their best. The bookies bribed the players. If Bryan Robson were playing Manchester United wouldn't have lost. Beckham shouldn't have married Posh Spice and may Beckham leave the team. I wish Kenny Daglish were still playing. If Ronaldo didn't leave things would be different. Men in shorts are my kinda thing. Now what I just typed would made sense to either one of the team's supporters but I'm sorry, but those of you motorheads who choose to support either Manchester United or Liverpool should stop doing so.

Near fanatical support of Manchester United would mean that you are the no different from a billion or so people who support the same team. Supporting Liverpool means the same thing, although there may be slightly less of you Liverpool fans out there. Do remember that the word 'fan' is derived from the word 'fanatic and it means you are this close to becoming an axe murderer. All it needs is spark by a Liverpool fan (if you are a Man U fan) to diss your team and you may just pummel his head with your fist and end up slightly dead. But the main point is this. If you are a motorhead you should stop supporting either team as it is a waste of your time and money. Mainly a waste time if you don't place large bets anyway.

If you're a motorhead, you'd be better reading that car magazine of yours or looking at other forms of car pornography instead of watching 22 grown men chase a ball round a field. The problem with football is that it is boring. It has become so tactical that you don't see someone run rings from the middle of the field, through the midfield players, through the defender's legs and then in between the keeper's legs to score a goal. Now we get to hear tactics, lobs, passes, defensive play, coaches shouting from the edge of the field but no actual dribbling, no risk taking or no Pele or Maradona kind of magic anymore. It's absolutely dull watching grown men in shorts passing from one to another and then try some stupid cross to score. There's no Geoff Hurst style of like flying in the air kind of kick in the '66 World Cup or a Maradona dribble from the middle of the field straight through a shocked England defence sometime in the late 70s. There's no actual magic. Even watching Brazil play in the last world cup was like watching a ball tied to a string but no actual scoring or finala finishing touches. It was bloody boring. I mean what's the point of sacrificing late nights watching nothing interesting except some 'free kick specialists' fall down and get a free kick for their teams? They don't play football, it's as bad as watching wrestling on TV. At least you know they're faking it there.

Now another problem with either Manchester United or a Liverpool fan is that they can get pretty anal about their teams. Like here, I put Manchester before Liverpool. This little fact would upset some Liverpool fans because I didn't put their team before their arch rivals in this article. It's outrageous. I have to say that both are regarded by yours truly to be as good as the other, which is actually inconsequential to the well being of planet Earth. You see, if a meteor were to hit both teams while they were playing life would still go on. No country is going to go bust, no one will die of hunger and certainly no one will run out of things to do if such an event were to occur. I suppose some Chelsea fans would rejoice, but that's not the point.

The biggest reason on why you as a motorhead should not bother with either team is that if you were to spend your money purchasing tickets, souvenirs, ESPN subscriptions or even posters on any of the teams, you are actually making some football star who may be as clever as the turnip planted by some British farmer or a footballer that speaks in a squaky voice be filthy rich. You are sponsoring their slightly lavish lifestyle by paying for their Bentley Continental GTs, their Aston Martins and their Ferraris. It is you who enable those that do not need to study hard for their PHDs, MBAs or even go to Iraq to fight for their country to live fantastically rich lives. And the irony is, do they really care about the riots that happen after their games? Most of them end up in some posh restaurant eating cuisine food with their WAGs. Whereas you'd be at some teh tarik mamak shop and have  a cheap piece of roti canai which is just plain flour, suddenly becomming more clever than the coaches that actually coached the teams in the first place. Do they actually care about you eating normal food? Do they even know you exist? All they know is you bought that club scarf and paid for your ESPN subscription that enables them to maintain their exclusive lifestyle. What about your lifestyle? Instead of watching them, you could save the world, read a book or take a nice drive somewherec during that 90 minutes of boredom. If you are not a footballer in the first place, why bother watching it? Woudn't it be better playing the game instead of watching a game where there's no more magic nowadays? The game won't change. Its too boring and tactical I say again. If you want a change, don't watch it anymore.

Then again, if you're here in Malaysia, why are you bothered about some bloke on the other side of the world? Do you even know that John Major isn't the Prime Minister of England anymore? Do you know what's the current economic situation in Britain? Do you know that having tea is a very English thing? I know you do know that two English teams played football and one team won. Is that worthwhile information for some of you? I suppose it is, but you should stop. You need to aim for that Bentley and not let those footballers buy such cars and make them cheaper, image-wise, than they actually are. I mean, does Mr Rooney or squeaky voice Beckham make a fine Aston Martin or a Bentley ambassador? You'd actually be cringing at that thought and remember the next time there's a game on telly that you think will make a difference in the world. It won't. Don't bother, go read a Haynes manual, as its more productive.

OFF TOPIC: THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN MOTORING.......

Now all of you out there know that there's more to life than motoring. Finding mountain passes, hairpins, modding your car, spending hours of your life at the mechanic ogling other people's rides and cruising the nightspots are an integral part of a motorhead's life. But, there is more to life than just this. I wish to just state here that there are other stuff that yours truly over here indulges in.

One of the good things about having a fixed salary and a gentlemen's way of dressing up is the need of proper shoes. As I've stated much earlier you should have the appropriate footwear for most of the occasions, even driving. We do have our expensive driving moccs or our PUMA driving shoes for our occasional weekend jaunts in our fast cars but when we go to work everytime I look down at guy's feet I see black cheap loafers. No, the black HUSH PUPPIES slip-ons are cheap shoes okay? The BATA (BUY AND THROW AWAY) shoes are even worse. If you can spend about RM3,500 on a set of Japanese sports rims for your car why can't you spend RM200-500 on a decent pair of work shoes? People look at your rims and they do look at the way you look also.

What every motorhead should try to have is the following:
1. One good dark coloured suit (for weddings, funerals and certain semi-formal occasions)
2. One good watch - you do need to tell time. That Casio G-SHOCK won't impress the women at the casino. James Bond uses Omega and previously Rolex. There are reasons for this especially with the Rolex if you're stuck in a third world country you can pawn it for good money.
3. One good pen - That cheap Kilometrico in your business shirt pocket looks cheap. And makes you look cheaper. Buy a RM50 Parker Jotter. Not a pricey pen but it looks its part and your image will improve with this small investment but if you lose it you won't cry like a baby (try losing a MONTEGRAPPA and then see how).
4. Two good pairs of shoes for work. Two is the minimum number so that you can rotate them. Use one and rest the other. But the best number for rotation is actually 5 pairs. So you only use that one pair per day per week. Your shoes will last a long time if you do so. If you would kindly check out the picture below you'd see that I have enough shoes to have a proper rotation of shoes that would keep them wearable for a long long time. There is that saying "you are too poor to afford one good pair of shoes" as one good pair will only last about six months or less if worn everyday. And that's why you should have at least two pairs of shoes for any occasion.

 The picture you see are only of my lace-ups. Most are Italian ( I like the more streamlined design compared to English Brogues), most are Blake/Rapid welted and are used for both work and social occasions. Due to strictly following rotational wear, some are almost 8 years old (The Black Clarks Brogues at the far left of the last row was my first pair of work shoes. Bought in 1997 and still perfectly wearable - after a resole or two) Not included here are my monk-straps, moccs, slip-ons, boots, sports shoes and so forth. See? I told you there was more to life than motoring.

Why is Team Lotus F1 Malaysia’s budget of a few hundred million Malaysian Ringgit per annum justified over feeding and housing the poor in Malaysia. - From the secret diary of the team’s principle.

Dear Diary,



Is the team F1 project justified? Well, firstly, my entertainment and transport allowance of about RM285,000 per month needs a large enough budget for such a salary. A budget of RM1 million per annum is rubbish. I’m not getting paid peanuts as I’m not doing a monkey’s job. I have a high profile job. Dealing with engineers, professional race car drivers, politicians and government officials as well captains of various industries who I will scrounge…. I mean beg for their funds require me to such a salary.

Secondly, I mean, me being the CEO of a world famous budget airline means that I have to allocate my time between two jobs. Hence, I need for another assistant to carry my F1 team official Blackberry and another assistant to carry my I-Phone for my airline business …. as you wouldn’t like your F1 team principle to come to work in tailor made pants pockets bulging with little items here and there. It isn’t presentable. My pockets are just there for my new Lotus company car keys (heard that I’ll be getting an Evora as well as a Proton Chancellor for my use from Proton soon! Yippie!!!) and my wad of cash. These handphone carrying assistants need salaries too. As such, part of the budget would go to these two jokers. I don’t understand why people moan and complain about having no place to carry their phones, laptops and other stuff. Why don’t they just hire someone to carry it for them in the first place? All it costs is a couple of thousand per month. Oh yeah...add the cost of my new company cars to the budget too!

Thirdly, this organization would employ tea ladies, janitors, clerks, slaves, harem girls and so forth. So some poor people would be have jobs and can afford to eat and not die from any forms of starvation. These lower level staff would be paid via the budget at first before we can pull in those large sponsorships from large Malaysian conglomerates. We would be making at least 1,000 poor Malaysians have jobs directly and indirectly via this Team F1 investment. So it’s a good thing in a way. But of course, we’ll pay them minimum wage. I think my drivers, engineers and my partners (and my goodself) deserve more because we are the ones that work hard. I mean, they (the poor general workers) don’t need to go to Suzuka, Monaco, Bahrain, and any of the other F1 races around the world. We have to be there and we need the money. Our drivers have to race; our engineers have to maintain the cars. Why should the slaves…err…general workers be paid more than minimum wage compared with them (and I). For example, Monaco’s expensive! I was surprised that an egg and cheese sandwich costs as much as a buffet lunch at some of our budget hotels here in KL. In short, the budget is there so I and my F1 team don’t starve. No roti canai and teh tarik in Monaco you know? Imagine paying RM25.00 for a cup of coffee at Suzuka. RM10million wouldn’t cut it in this line of business. That’s why hundreds of millions is required.

Furthermore, team F1 promotes the nation to people around the world just like Sepang F1 track does. An F1 team will also generate exposure for Malaysia and is a logical second step after the F1 track. There are so many people who don’t even know where Malaysia is located. I remember describing Malaysia to a foreigner; “You know where Singapore is?”

“Yup”

“You know where Thailand is?”

“Ahhh…of course…go go girls, elephants and tomyam.”

“Malaysia is right in the middle”

“Ohhh yeahhh..that’s what that thing is in the middle on the map”

I’m honestly tired of answering questions like that. That’s why a few of us managed to convince the government to throw.. I mean spend money in this way to promote Malaysia even more…

So with F1 coming into Malaysia and with awareness, there’ll be more tourists and more tourists mean more money circulating in the country. These extra cash floating around would also go to the people of the country. Everyone from Hoteliers, Restaurants, Shopping centers, tourist spots would benefit. Not to mention, my airline would get more paying customers. Heck, making me chairman of this F1 team actually makes more personal exposure for me and my airline!!!!! I love it tremendously. I have more personal promotion that I really need. More banks would give my airline loans. I’ll be like Richard Branson…in fact I’ll be bigger than him soon! Richard Branson = Virgin Group. That’s like me = Air As.... hmm…soon I’ll take over the world….ha ha hahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahah.

Oh yeah. There are some ‘spoil-sports’ out there saying that instead of even suggesting this F1 team, the money should be channeled directly to the hardcore poor in Malaysia. I’m sorry, I fully disagree. Money is already being channeled to the poor. It’s just that they somehow forget the existence of Ministries like the Community Development and Family Ministry. Go register with them for aid. I’m sure that other government agencies like even the Muslim tithe department distributes tithe to the poor.

All you poor people should have to do like what I’m doing. Advertise yourself and the exposure allows you to go places. Look at me; I was only in charge of a company in the music industry and then KABAAMMM!!! I’m a famous budget airline boss and then I’m chosen as an F1 team supremo! Wow!

If you’re poor, it’s your fault, and not the government for channeling the money elsewhere. Hey, even if they didn’t initiate this F1 team (which I’m so absolutely happy they did ….to my benefit), the millions would go elsewhere that you may not even hear of. The government could have used the millions and opened up a top secret Nuclear power plant or an AREA 51 or even some stupid tall building or flagpole somewhere? The nuclear plant will then incur the wrath of America, then America invades us and overthrows our Prime Minister/government that I love so much, things will be worse. The money would be wasted anyway. At least it’s going my way..hehehe.. (as for the moment of course, as I’m only on the helm till things are stable hopefully by end of 2010). So why complain? Enjoy the ride. I surely am.

P.S. I wonder if my uncle is going to make his famous puttumayam for his Deepavali open house. It goes so well with Auntie’s curry. I hope Lotus loans me an Evora by then so that I can show it off to my auntie and uncle soon!