Friday, October 16, 2009

Why is Team Lotus F1 Malaysia’s budget of a few hundred million Malaysian Ringgit per annum justified over feeding and housing the poor in Malaysia. - From the secret diary of the team’s principle.

Dear Diary,

Is the team F1 project justified? Well, firstly, my entertainment and transport allowance of about RM285,000 per month needs a large enough budget for such a salary. A budget of RM1 million per annum is rubbish. I’m not getting paid peanuts as I’m not doing a monkey’s job. I have a high profile job. Dealing with engineers, professional race car drivers, politicians and government officials as well captains of various industries who I will scrounge…. I mean beg for their funds require me to such a salary.

Secondly, I mean, me being the CEO of a world famous budget airline means that I have to allocate my time between two jobs. Hence, I need for another assistant to carry my F1 team official Blackberry and another assistant to carry my I-Phone for my airline business …. as you wouldn’t like your F1 team principle to come to work in tailor made pants pockets bulging with little items here and there. It isn’t presentable. My pockets are just there for my new Lotus company car keys (heard that I’ll be getting an Evora as well as a Proton Chancellor for my use from Proton soon! Yippie!!!) and my wad of cash. These handphone carrying assistants need salaries too. As such, part of the budget would go to these two jokers. I don’t understand why people moan and complain about having no place to carry their phones, laptops and other stuff. Why don’t they just hire someone to carry it for them in the first place? All it costs is a couple of thousand per month. Oh yeah...add the cost of my new company cars to the budget too!

Thirdly, this organization would employ tea ladies, janitors, clerks, slaves, harem girls and so forth. So some poor people would be have jobs and can afford to eat and not die from any forms of starvation. These lower level staff would be paid via the budget at first before we can pull in those large sponsorships from large Malaysian conglomerates. We would be making at least 1,000 poor Malaysians have jobs directly and indirectly via this Team F1 investment. So it’s a good thing in a way. But of course, we’ll pay them minimum wage. I think my drivers, engineers and my partners (and my goodself) deserve more because we are the ones that work hard. I mean, they (the poor general workers) don’t need to go to Suzuka, Monaco, Bahrain, and any of the other F1 races around the world. We have to be there and we need the money. Our drivers have to race; our engineers have to maintain the cars. Why should the slaves…err…general workers be paid more than minimum wage compared with them (and I). For example, Monaco’s expensive! I was surprised that an egg and cheese sandwich costs as much as a buffet lunch at some of our budget hotels here in KL. In short, the budget is there so I and my F1 team don’t starve. No roti canai and teh tarik in Monaco you know? Imagine paying RM25.00 for a cup of coffee at Suzuka. RM10million wouldn’t cut it in this line of business. That’s why hundreds of millions is required.

Furthermore, team F1 promotes the nation to people around the world just like Sepang F1 track does. An F1 team will also generate exposure for Malaysia and is a logical second step after the F1 track. There are so many people who don’t even know where Malaysia is located. I remember describing Malaysia to a foreigner; “You know where Singapore is?”


“You know where Thailand is?”

“Ahhh…of course…go go girls, elephants and tomyam.”

“Malaysia is right in the middle”

“Ohhh yeahhh..that’s what that thing is in the middle on the map”

I’m honestly tired of answering questions like that. That’s why a few of us managed to convince the government to throw.. I mean spend money in this way to promote Malaysia even more…

So with F1 coming into Malaysia and with awareness, there’ll be more tourists and more tourists mean more money circulating in the country. These extra cash floating around would also go to the people of the country. Everyone from Hoteliers, Restaurants, Shopping centers, tourist spots would benefit. Not to mention, my airline would get more paying customers. Heck, making me chairman of this F1 team actually makes more personal exposure for me and my airline!!!!! I love it tremendously. I have more personal promotion that I really need. More banks would give my airline loans. I’ll be like Richard Branson…in fact I’ll be bigger than him soon! Richard Branson = Virgin Group. That’s like me = Air As.... hmm…soon I’ll take over the world….ha ha hahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahah.

Oh yeah. There are some ‘spoil-sports’ out there saying that instead of even suggesting this F1 team, the money should be channeled directly to the hardcore poor in Malaysia. I’m sorry, I fully disagree. Money is already being channeled to the poor. It’s just that they somehow forget the existence of Ministries like the Community Development and Family Ministry. Go register with them for aid. I’m sure that other government agencies like even the Muslim tithe department distributes tithe to the poor.

All you poor people should have to do like what I’m doing. Advertise yourself and the exposure allows you to go places. Look at me; I was only in charge of a company in the music industry and then KABAAMMM!!! I’m a famous budget airline boss and then I’m chosen as an F1 team supremo! Wow!

If you’re poor, it’s your fault, and not the government for channeling the money elsewhere. Hey, even if they didn’t initiate this F1 team (which I’m so absolutely happy they did ….to my benefit), the millions would go elsewhere that you may not even hear of. The government could have used the millions and opened up a top secret Nuclear power plant or an AREA 51 or even some stupid tall building or flagpole somewhere? The nuclear plant will then incur the wrath of America, then America invades us and overthrows our Prime Minister/government that I love so much, things will be worse. The money would be wasted anyway. At least it’s going my way..hehehe.. (as for the moment of course, as I’m only on the helm till things are stable hopefully by end of 2010). So why complain? Enjoy the ride. I surely am.

P.S. I wonder if my uncle is going to make his famous puttumayam for his Deepavali open house. It goes so well with Auntie’s curry. I hope Lotus loans me an Evora by then so that I can show it off to my auntie and uncle soon!

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