The Final Word on Football............

Recently Manchester United lost to Liverpool. Some may say that this is a rare occurrence and that the fans of Liverpool have poured into the streets rejoicing at the victory. That its players played gallantly and that they thoroughly deserved that victory. It was a battle royal between the two and the best team won. Manchester United fought well but they lost. The referee was blind. The players were careless. Some were dead men playing. Liverpool was at their best. The bookies bribed the players. If Bryan Robson were playing Manchester United wouldn't have lost. Beckham shouldn't have married Posh Spice and may Beckham leave the team. I wish Kenny Daglish were still playing. If Ronaldo didn't leave things would be different. Men in shorts are my kinda thing. Now what I just typed would made sense to either one of the team's supporters but I'm sorry, but those of you motorheads who choose to support either Manchester United or Liverpool should stop doing so.

Near fanatical support of Manchester United would mean that you are the no different from a billion or so people who support the same team. Supporting Liverpool means the same thing, although there may be slightly less of you Liverpool fans out there. Do remember that the word 'fan' is derived from the word 'fanatic and it means you are this close to becoming an axe murderer. All it needs is spark by a Liverpool fan (if you are a Man U fan) to diss your team and you may just pummel his head with your fist and end up slightly dead. But the main point is this. If you are a motorhead you should stop supporting either team as it is a waste of your time and money. Mainly a waste time if you don't place large bets anyway.

If you're a motorhead, you'd be better reading that car magazine of yours or looking at other forms of car pornography instead of watching 22 grown men chase a ball round a field. The problem with football is that it is boring. It has become so tactical that you don't see someone run rings from the middle of the field, through the midfield players, through the defender's legs and then in between the keeper's legs to score a goal. Now we get to hear tactics, lobs, passes, defensive play, coaches shouting from the edge of the field but no actual dribbling, no risk taking or no Pele or Maradona kind of magic anymore. It's absolutely dull watching grown men in shorts passing from one to another and then try some stupid cross to score. There's no Geoff Hurst style of like flying in the air kind of kick in the '66 World Cup or a Maradona dribble from the middle of the field straight through a shocked England defence sometime in the late 70s. There's no actual magic. Even watching Brazil play in the last world cup was like watching a ball tied to a string but no actual scoring or finala finishing touches. It was bloody boring. I mean what's the point of sacrificing late nights watching nothing interesting except some 'free kick specialists' fall down and get a free kick for their teams? They don't play football, it's as bad as watching wrestling on TV. At least you know they're faking it there.

Now another problem with either Manchester United or a Liverpool fan is that they can get pretty anal about their teams. Like here, I put Manchester before Liverpool. This little fact would upset some Liverpool fans because I didn't put their team before their arch rivals in this article. It's outrageous. I have to say that both are regarded by yours truly to be as good as the other, which is actually inconsequential to the well being of planet Earth. You see, if a meteor were to hit both teams while they were playing life would still go on. No country is going to go bust, no one will die of hunger and certainly no one will run out of things to do if such an event were to occur. I suppose some Chelsea fans would rejoice, but that's not the point.

The biggest reason on why you as a motorhead should not bother with either team is that if you were to spend your money purchasing tickets, souvenirs, ESPN subscriptions or even posters on any of the teams, you are actually making some football star who may be as clever as the turnip planted by some British farmer or a footballer that speaks in a squaky voice be filthy rich. You are sponsoring their slightly lavish lifestyle by paying for their Bentley Continental GTs, their Aston Martins and their Ferraris. It is you who enable those that do not need to study hard for their PHDs, MBAs or even go to Iraq to fight for their country to live fantastically rich lives. And the irony is, do they really care about the riots that happen after their games? Most of them end up in some posh restaurant eating cuisine food with their WAGs. Whereas you'd be at some teh tarik mamak shop and have  a cheap piece of roti canai which is just plain flour, suddenly becomming more clever than the coaches that actually coached the teams in the first place. Do they actually care about you eating normal food? Do they even know you exist? All they know is you bought that club scarf and paid for your ESPN subscription that enables them to maintain their exclusive lifestyle. What about your lifestyle? Instead of watching them, you could save the world, read a book or take a nice drive somewherec during that 90 minutes of boredom. If you are not a footballer in the first place, why bother watching it? Woudn't it be better playing the game instead of watching a game where there's no more magic nowadays? The game won't change. Its too boring and tactical I say again. If you want a change, don't watch it anymore.

Then again, if you're here in Malaysia, why are you bothered about some bloke on the other side of the world? Do you even know that John Major isn't the Prime Minister of England anymore? Do you know what's the current economic situation in Britain? Do you know that having tea is a very English thing? I know you do know that two English teams played football and one team won. Is that worthwhile information for some of you? I suppose it is, but you should stop. You need to aim for that Bentley and not let those footballers buy such cars and make them cheaper, image-wise, than they actually are. I mean, does Mr Rooney or squeaky voice Beckham make a fine Aston Martin or a Bentley ambassador? You'd actually be cringing at that thought and remember the next time there's a game on telly that you think will make a difference in the world. It won't. Don't bother, go read a Haynes manual, as its more productive.

OFF TOPIC: THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN MOTORING.......

Now all of you out there know that there's more to life than motoring. Finding mountain passes, hairpins, modding your car, spending hours of your life at the mechanic ogling other people's rides and cruising the nightspots are an integral part of a motorhead's life. But, there is more to life than just this. I wish to just state here that there are other stuff that yours truly over here indulges in.

One of the good things about having a fixed salary and a gentlemen's way of dressing up is the need of proper shoes. As I've stated much earlier you should have the appropriate footwear for most of the occasions, even driving. We do have our expensive driving moccs or our PUMA driving shoes for our occasional weekend jaunts in our fast cars but when we go to work everytime I look down at guy's feet I see black cheap loafers. No, the black HUSH PUPPIES slip-ons are cheap shoes okay? The BATA (BUY AND THROW AWAY) shoes are even worse. If you can spend about RM3,500 on a set of Japanese sports rims for your car why can't you spend RM200-500 on a decent pair of work shoes? People look at your rims and they do look at the way you look also.

What every motorhead should try to have is the following:
1. One good dark coloured suit (for weddings, funerals and certain semi-formal occasions)
2. One good watch - you do need to tell time. That Casio G-SHOCK won't impress the women at the casino. James Bond uses Omega and previously Rolex. There are reasons for this especially with the Rolex if you're stuck in a third world country you can pawn it for good money.
3. One good pen - That cheap Kilometrico in your business shirt pocket looks cheap. And makes you look cheaper. Buy a RM50 Parker Jotter. Not a pricey pen but it looks its part and your image will improve with this small investment but if you lose it you won't cry like a baby (try losing a MONTEGRAPPA and then see how).
4. Two good pairs of shoes for work. Two is the minimum number so that you can rotate them. Use one and rest the other. But the best number for rotation is actually 5 pairs. So you only use that one pair per day per week. Your shoes will last a long time if you do so. If you would kindly check out the picture below you'd see that I have enough shoes to have a proper rotation of shoes that would keep them wearable for a long long time. There is that saying "you are too poor to afford one good pair of shoes" as one good pair will only last about six months or less if worn everyday. And that's why you should have at least two pairs of shoes for any occasion.

 The picture you see are only of my lace-ups. Most are Italian ( I like the more streamlined design compared to English Brogues), most are Blake/Rapid welted and are used for both work and social occasions. Due to strictly following rotational wear, some are almost 8 years old (The Black Clarks Brogues at the far left of the last row was my first pair of work shoes. Bought in 1997 and still perfectly wearable - after a resole or two) Not included here are my monk-straps, moccs, slip-ons, boots, sports shoes and so forth. See? I told you there was more to life than motoring.

Why is Team Lotus F1 Malaysia’s budget of a few hundred million Malaysian Ringgit per annum justified over feeding and housing the poor in Malaysia. - From the secret diary of the team’s principle.

Dear Diary,



Is the team F1 project justified? Well, firstly, my entertainment and transport allowance of about RM285,000 per month needs a large enough budget for such a salary. A budget of RM1 million per annum is rubbish. I’m not getting paid peanuts as I’m not doing a monkey’s job. I have a high profile job. Dealing with engineers, professional race car drivers, politicians and government officials as well captains of various industries who I will scrounge…. I mean beg for their funds require me to such a salary.

Secondly, I mean, me being the CEO of a world famous budget airline means that I have to allocate my time between two jobs. Hence, I need for another assistant to carry my F1 team official Blackberry and another assistant to carry my I-Phone for my airline business …. as you wouldn’t like your F1 team principle to come to work in tailor made pants pockets bulging with little items here and there. It isn’t presentable. My pockets are just there for my new Lotus company car keys (heard that I’ll be getting an Evora as well as a Proton Chancellor for my use from Proton soon! Yippie!!!) and my wad of cash. These handphone carrying assistants need salaries too. As such, part of the budget would go to these two jokers. I don’t understand why people moan and complain about having no place to carry their phones, laptops and other stuff. Why don’t they just hire someone to carry it for them in the first place? All it costs is a couple of thousand per month. Oh yeah...add the cost of my new company cars to the budget too!

Thirdly, this organization would employ tea ladies, janitors, clerks, slaves, harem girls and so forth. So some poor people would be have jobs and can afford to eat and not die from any forms of starvation. These lower level staff would be paid via the budget at first before we can pull in those large sponsorships from large Malaysian conglomerates. We would be making at least 1,000 poor Malaysians have jobs directly and indirectly via this Team F1 investment. So it’s a good thing in a way. But of course, we’ll pay them minimum wage. I think my drivers, engineers and my partners (and my goodself) deserve more because we are the ones that work hard. I mean, they (the poor general workers) don’t need to go to Suzuka, Monaco, Bahrain, and any of the other F1 races around the world. We have to be there and we need the money. Our drivers have to race; our engineers have to maintain the cars. Why should the slaves…err…general workers be paid more than minimum wage compared with them (and I). For example, Monaco’s expensive! I was surprised that an egg and cheese sandwich costs as much as a buffet lunch at some of our budget hotels here in KL. In short, the budget is there so I and my F1 team don’t starve. No roti canai and teh tarik in Monaco you know? Imagine paying RM25.00 for a cup of coffee at Suzuka. RM10million wouldn’t cut it in this line of business. That’s why hundreds of millions is required.

Furthermore, team F1 promotes the nation to people around the world just like Sepang F1 track does. An F1 team will also generate exposure for Malaysia and is a logical second step after the F1 track. There are so many people who don’t even know where Malaysia is located. I remember describing Malaysia to a foreigner; “You know where Singapore is?”

“Yup”

“You know where Thailand is?”

“Ahhh…of course…go go girls, elephants and tomyam.”

“Malaysia is right in the middle”

“Ohhh yeahhh..that’s what that thing is in the middle on the map”

I’m honestly tired of answering questions like that. That’s why a few of us managed to convince the government to throw.. I mean spend money in this way to promote Malaysia even more…

So with F1 coming into Malaysia and with awareness, there’ll be more tourists and more tourists mean more money circulating in the country. These extra cash floating around would also go to the people of the country. Everyone from Hoteliers, Restaurants, Shopping centers, tourist spots would benefit. Not to mention, my airline would get more paying customers. Heck, making me chairman of this F1 team actually makes more personal exposure for me and my airline!!!!! I love it tremendously. I have more personal promotion that I really need. More banks would give my airline loans. I’ll be like Richard Branson…in fact I’ll be bigger than him soon! Richard Branson = Virgin Group. That’s like me = Air As.... hmm…soon I’ll take over the world….ha ha hahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahah.

Oh yeah. There are some ‘spoil-sports’ out there saying that instead of even suggesting this F1 team, the money should be channeled directly to the hardcore poor in Malaysia. I’m sorry, I fully disagree. Money is already being channeled to the poor. It’s just that they somehow forget the existence of Ministries like the Community Development and Family Ministry. Go register with them for aid. I’m sure that other government agencies like even the Muslim tithe department distributes tithe to the poor.

All you poor people should have to do like what I’m doing. Advertise yourself and the exposure allows you to go places. Look at me; I was only in charge of a company in the music industry and then KABAAMMM!!! I’m a famous budget airline boss and then I’m chosen as an F1 team supremo! Wow!

If you’re poor, it’s your fault, and not the government for channeling the money elsewhere. Hey, even if they didn’t initiate this F1 team (which I’m so absolutely happy they did ….to my benefit), the millions would go elsewhere that you may not even hear of. The government could have used the millions and opened up a top secret Nuclear power plant or an AREA 51 or even some stupid tall building or flagpole somewhere? The nuclear plant will then incur the wrath of America, then America invades us and overthrows our Prime Minister/government that I love so much, things will be worse. The money would be wasted anyway. At least it’s going my way..hehehe.. (as for the moment of course, as I’m only on the helm till things are stable hopefully by end of 2010). So why complain? Enjoy the ride. I surely am.

P.S. I wonder if my uncle is going to make his famous puttumayam for his Deepavali open house. It goes so well with Auntie’s curry. I hope Lotus loans me an Evora by then so that I can show it off to my auntie and uncle soon!

The 8th Generation Honda Civic - A current car that's ahead of its time

The current 8th generation Honda Civic is one of the most complete small family sedans I’ve ever driven. I had a few months ago spent an hour driving non stop the 1.8 liter version going round the same area, taking corners and bends as well as doing some 140-160km/h runs in it and came to this conclusion. It is one of the best RM120,000.00 car you can buy here in Malaysia and I have to nod in agreement at anyone who bought one.